…it’s just a freight train headed my way. Those lyrics seem to aptly fit my predicament, as I’m sure some can relate. I’m stuck in the noxious mire of addiction right now. I am right in the thick of it- on the verge of going completely under, but not without hope. Although I’ve had numerous opportunities to take a helping hand and pull out of this swamp with my skin intact, I stubbornly doubled down and dove headfirst back in, thinking that one: I can sustain a lifestyle of using two dangerously addictive substances, and two: I can quite these vices on my own with sheer will power and determination. Many with fortitude far greater than my own have fallen prey to this heinous monster, caught in the sweet misery which usually will end with death or a very painful hardship followed by a difficult transition to sobriety.
Tomorrow my sobriety- which I haven’t truly endured for quite some time now- starts with a trip to the detox treatment facility at the VA. I’ve been escaping into this fog for a while now, and it feels like that’s the real me. I don’t remember who that other guy was, just that I didn’t like being him, otherwise I wouldn’t be shoving goddamn needles in my arm.